Lots on my mind lately. Mostly, I'm really struggling with my work-life balance. I don't want to go into the specifics, but I'm trying very hard to unplug from work on the weekends and figure out who I am outside of work.
I work in one of those fields where it's impossible not to bring work home to an extent. That's just the way it is. However, I'm doing more than I have to, because my job doesn't give me the support I really, really need. So, I find myself flailing, trying to find resources online, running around in circles, trying too hard to do things the wrong way, because I don't have anyone to tell me what the right way is.
I have a mentor at work who's amazing, and the only good information I get anywhere is from her, but she's overworked and undersupported herself, so there's only so much she can do for me. Thank fucking G-d I have her, though.
BUT THE POINT IS I'm trying to limit the time that I think about work when I'm not at work. My therapist gave me the idea to set aside a specific amount of time for work stuff when I get home, and then give myself permission to put it down when that time is up. I'm....working on that. I spent a lot of time yesterday doing work planning for next week, but when I was done, I put it away. I'm trying really hard, but I'm also neurotic as fuck, so that's an issue.
My neurosis and anxiety means that I overthink everything, panic constantly, and make a fool of myself often. I hate being aware of these problems, because I watch myself be a dumbass in real time, but I have no idea how to stop myself. It's embarassing and frustrating.
What do I enjoy? I haven't been enjoying things the way I used to. I haven't been making things the way I used to. What were those things? I think making a list might help me. I am, after all, a list-making autistic person.
That feels like a great start. I feel better after writing those lists. I am going to keep trying. I also want to make an effort to call my friend Mottle more. Shout outs to Mottle.
Anyway, here's the view from my bed right now. Pretty good stuff.
I have a cold and my coworkers made me go home early to rest, so I spent some time redoing this homepage. The flu is absolutely decimating my job right now. I don't think I have the flu, though. It just seems like a regular cold that's gonna go away soon.
