Jan 29, 2022
Listening to- Dogs barking outside
Drinking- Coffee again (I am boring)
Dog Park Dissidents is my favorite band right now. I loved their second EP "High Risk Homosexual Behavior", but then I wasn't sure how I felt about their newest EP "ACAB for Cutie" at first...but after listening to it on repeat for awhile I'm fully obsessed with every track. It's exceptional.
Please check out their stuff on bandcamp Here's some other music that I've been particularly enjoying lately. Antiflag is a band that defined my teen years and shaped me as a person.
This is my favorite Rico song right now.
Jan 26, 2022
Listening to- I think my partner is playing Fall Out Boy in the other room
Drinking- Water, stay hydrated!
Today we got haircuts from our eccentric hairdresser who told us wild stories about going clubbing in the 90s. She's great.
We also went to my partner's Uncle's vegetable garden and got a huge fuck-off cabbage from him. This thing is HEAVY and barely fits in our crisper drawer.
Visiting the garden made me get really excited about the prospect of growing our own vegetables when we own a house some day. I am dreaming of a future where communities grow their own food and share the extra with their neighbors for free, and money becomes obsolete.... Not bartering, but mutualism. My partner's Uncle grows more food than he can eat himself, so he ends up giving free food to everyone he knows...I want that to be me one day. And then I'll give vegetables to someone who owns farm animals- Maybe they're who gave me the manure to grow my vegetables in- and they give me some extra eggs and milk....I have experience with gardening, beekeeping, composting and field work that I often forget about, because it was such a long time ago, but I miss it dearly!! Not beekeeping really...it was a very cool experience, but now I know about how harmful it can be, and aboout how honeybees are an invasive species. Native bees pollinate crops way more efficiently, but it's much harder for capitalists to exploit them the same way they do with honeybees, since they don't live in huge hives.
In fantasizing about mutualism, it reminds me that I do not dream of labor. Like, the working under capitalism kind of labor. I have spent my whole life working extremely hard to build a career in art. Even as a little kid I was making my own website and trying to create graphic novel pitches. I've got a BFA in animation. I've been hustling my ass off since I graduated, and other than a few short term freelance jobs, I haven't been able to support myself. At a certain point, I stopped lying to myself about what an animation career will look like. The majority of animation careers sort of resemble the gig economy- You have a contract position for a certain number of months, and then you have to look for work again. Over and over and over. You're always hustling, always looking for work......Never reaching stability... That's not EVERYONE'S career, but I've seen it happening to so many people lately that it just made me deeply depressed. Like, is this what I'm working so hard to break into? Am I happy?
So...at some point recently, I just decided to stop trying. At least for now. I like my job as a barista well enough. I don't mind staying here until my partner finishes trade school and we move somewhere else. I can focus on myself, not tie my value as a human being to my job, enjoy some non-art hobbies...make art for MYSELF? That I ENJOY??? I will see where time takes me, everything is so uncertain right now anyway. I'm just exhausted, and I think I need to take a huge step back for awhile. I've already felt way, way happier since making this decision and also spending a lot less time on Twitter.
Jan 25, 2022
Listening to- She's so Lovely by The Butchies
Drinking- My morning cuppa joe
This is mostly just a test post! I'm happy with how this site is looking so far. Today is my day off and I'm having a peaceful morning with my cat. I hope I can get this site live today!!!